Mother by Nature Blog

Diamonds and Dudas

September 20, 2015

My name is Jolie.
No! Not Julie or Jodie – Hello… I know how to spell my own freaking name, I have been doing it for 35 years!
Good Lord people stop correcting it!

I am a wife of nearly 2 years to my spunky husband “Muž” and Mother of a beautiful little pigeon pair – the “Fournado” and “Juju” who are full of energy and zest for life. Oh and they also have Fire. In. The. Belly. Its a wog thing. (and yes I can get away with saying that because I’m married to one and gave birth to two and I love them all very much…sometimes I feel like I am turning into one, its a good thing!)
They each make every day amazing, unpredictable, crazy, exciting and full of chaos.
Not just your normal kind of chaos…I mean full on, over the top, sideways looks from strangers chaos.
They are the inspiration behind starting this blog, every day is a comedy show in our home.

We play hide and seek in the house, we sing loudly in the car, (I’m sure you have all seen the Salt N Pepa car advert with the mother singing ‘Ooh baby baby’ – well that is us in our Kluger every day and it doesn’t help that we live at the top of a hair pin bend…suddenly its the damn Monaco Grand Prix every morning!) we dance crazy like no one is watching, (sorry neighbours you probably are) we play musical beds at night and I wouldn’t change a thing.
I also get on so well with my ‘outlaws’ its disgusting really but thats a whole other story.

We live in South Australia with our Labradoodle dog Frankie, (pause for the not-another-hybrid-dog-breed eye roll) our big fat green tree frog Hermes and yes he really does go ladidahdidah, some goldfish and tadpoles and our 2 nosey backyard hens ‘Chickoletta and Chickybabe’ named by the Fournado. Theres nothing better (ok Range Rover you win) than fresh eggs 30 steps from the back door and knowing exactly whats gone into them.
We try to lead a sustainable healthy lifestyle where possible and I am a bit of a manners and food nazi.
Having said that we are definitely not perfect and that is why you may occasionally find me doing a sly take away drive though mission with tinted windows in full force.

Diamonds and Dudas is the lifestyle diaries of my own personal journey through life as a doting Wife, sometimes Domestic Goddess and always full time Mother to two very gorgeous, very active and very spirited young Children.
Leading a casual lifestyle full of fun, quirk and zest for life it is never dull, never still, never slow or ever boring in our beautiful home.

This blog is for everyone – particularly for Wives, Fiancé’s, those wanting to be a Wife or Fianće, Husbands, the everyday Domestic Goddess and Parents of all kinds.
Mothers, Fathers, Parents to be, single Mothers, single Fathers, Step Parents, Grandparents, Foster Parents/carers, people thinking of having a Baby, teachers, babysitters; anyone really that is involved in the care of Children young and old.

By sharing my own stories and experiences I hope you can all relate on some level and share this journey with me, while also having a good laugh at the same time.
I also hope you can each take away something from this blog wether it be the feeling of empowerment, learning something new, humour in otherwise difficult situations, or even just the knowledge that you are not alone in this roller-coaster-ride world of Parenting, being a Wife and a Domestic Goddess/CEO.

Diamonds and Dudas is a metaphor for my life and this blog, like a split personality really.
I think most of you can relate.

Obviously Diamonds is the high side of life. The ridiculously fun and majorly rewarding part of being a stay at home Mother, Wife and Domestic Goddess.
You know, the postcard air-brushed, picture perfect ‘Billboard Family’ kind of life.
The best, highly edited version of myself possible in a #selfie kind of moments. (Believe me it takes a lot)
The going out for dinner and drinks with friends, dressing up and glamming out side to life.
The insanely sexy feeling you get when you step out of the beauty salon fresh from a manicure and pedicure with banging new luxurious locks kind of living.
The ‘look how cute we are’ in family snaps kind of life.
Having swanky date nights out with the hubby kind of fun.
The proud feeling you have when your Children use their best manners in public and behave like angels kind of days.
Retail therapy of any kind. Enough said.
The jet setting to foreign destinations and tropical holidays with buffet breakfast every morning kind of life.
The sipping cocktails by the Palazzo Versace beach pool with your Husband while the little darlings happily entertain themselves basking in glorious sunshine all day long kind of luxe living.
Everyone has their own special happy place and vacays at Palazzo Versace is definitely mine, although being behind the wheel of my very own black Range Rover Sport would certainly be up there. We all have a dream right?
Oh the Diamonds side of life, how I love you.
Cheers to all you Diamonds!

And then we have the Dudas side of life; cue the dark scary music….

This is the brutally slap-you-down-to-size reality of living with a Fournado and Co.
Being a Wife and CEO of all Domestic Goddess duties and all the dirty handed responsibilities that come with it.
The ‘oh yay, its the surprise 3am gastro bug!’ nights that always seem to come when you are already so weak from sleep deprivation, then rock paper and scissoring to see who is going to clean it up. Scissors cuts rock right??
The commando like stealth mode ‘expert ninja level’ required when sneaking out of their bedroom ‘Thank God they are asleep’ kind of real. Or so you thought. Repeat this process x3…Parents of young children, you know what I’m talking about.
The chasing of the rubbish truck down the street in the rain because you slept in that extra 5 minutes and forgot to put the bin out (no he doesn’t ever stop) then having to deal with overflowing trash for the entire next week kind of real. Enter the precision art of carefully balancing the contents of the inside bin pile like the leaning tower of bloody Pisa in hope that someone else will empty it. If it falls its yours… you’re smiling because you have done this too.
The ordering of takeaway after doing a huge (expensive) weekly shop because it’s too exhausting shopping and putting it all away, I can’t possibly cook now kind of life.
The living through a house renovation and all sleeping in the one bedroom (read: nobody is actually sleeping) kind of reality. This one was like a fun sleepover to start with, turned sleep depraved screaming nightmare that lasted 7 weeks! Ouch.
The ‘I’m teething and not eating’ kind of frustrating life, which involves preparing 3 different meals for one tiny human and then the whole family dancing around and peekabbooing like carnival clowns to distract them in the hope they might eat just something. No.
The adults outstretched leg holding the toilet door closed just enough so you can sort of take a wizz by yourself while they beat the absolute freaking crap out of the door (or each other) the whole damn time kind of embarrassingly real.
The desperate looks to each other ‘can we make it through another dinner, bath and bedtime routine?’ real, then cleaning up after each said dinner time. That shit gets absolutely everywhere!
The hiding in the house just to finish that luke warm cup of tea made earlier at 6:30am (is that even a time?) then coming back in only to discover the Fournado has been styling his sisters hair (very nicely might I add) with the Earth Choice cleaning spray kind of ridiculously real. (yes that actually happened and I will be open to accepting Parent of the Year Award nominations)

But that is all part and parcel of the lovely smell of a cooing innocent newborn turned grotty fingered, little boogie nosed, wild and untamed toddler package.

Lets face it…I clearly knew what I was getting myself in for.
Working in a 0-6 child care centre for 13 years and also being a Nanny to many different families during that time has mentally, emotionally and financially prepared me for what is realistically involved in the daily grind of the ‘behind the scenes’ complicated world of Parenting.
That is why I put it off for so long- I knew just how much free time I was buying myself!
My husband wasn’t nearly so prepared. At all. Geez he had never even had a family dog to clean up after.
He keeps asking me ‘Is this normal?!’ and ‘When this madness end?!’
I haven’t got the heart to tell him it will last for another 30 years or so. He may just keel over on the spot!
Besides I would like to add to our family at some point so I can’t present all the facts just yet or there go my chances of ever having a large family.
Crazy you ask…probably, but that is yet to be clinically proven although Muž has strongly voiced his opinions regarding my sanity and it wasn’t pretty!

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